


A Spiral of Fear and Madness

by CarnivalofBrokenDolls (yourrhinestoneeyes)



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Light Romance, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of Suicide, Self-Harm, Victor trying to be a good boyfriend, Violence, cured Victor, fear toxin, hallucination Ed mostly, season four, slight mentions of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-24 19:10:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12019173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourrhinestoneeyes/pseuds/CarnivalofBrokenDolls
Summary: Jonathan Crane decides the Iceberg Lounge is the perfect place to really test his fear toxin. This night also happens to be the beginning of Oswald going through a mental spiral.





	1. Opening Night/Fright Night

There was very little warning when Scarecrow attacked the Iceberg Lounge. Unlike most criminals and villains in the city he had little time for flair or theatrics, though his outfit made him both blend into the darkness and stand out like a sore thumb. Two canisters were strapped to his back, he toted a gun that in style was like the freeze gun that Victor used. His face was completely obscured from view with thick dark burlap, only his manic eyes just barely visible through the holes in the material. Initially nobody had paid mind to him when he entered the club followed by four people wearing gas masks, their own clothing patched rags like this new player in the game. 

Oswald had been far too caught up in a conversation with a group of men from local businesses he was hoping to buy out for added profit to notice Scarecrow’s entrance. He did notice though when the man jumped up onto a bar stool and then onto the top of the bar, he kicked a martini glass to the floor his voice booming through the crowded room as slowly but surely every patron turned their attention to this masked oddity. Shocked gasps filled the room, confused murmurs and people quickly scurrying away from the bar to put distance between themselves and this man and his goons. Oswald found himself to be the only one in the room that wasn’t afraid, he just felt a quite familiar rage fill his body as he shoved past the older men who were looking at Scarecrow with gaping mouths and eyes wide with fear. Oswald stepped closer to the bar, he gripped tightly to the handle of his cane as he glared up at the other man.

“Excuse me, but what the Hell do you think you are doing?” He asked, his voice going from an even tone to a loud obvious tone of annoyance.

Scarecrow slowly turned his head towards him, the look in his eyes was new. There was something to them that almost made Oswald think of the victims of the Tetch virus, that pure mania that overrode the brain and brought people to their most basic violent urges. That look and the consideration that this man was going to infect him with the Tetch virus made him nearly take a step back, but he pushed that idea to the back of his mind. There as far as he was told, no drop of the virus even in its purest form left in the whole of the city. 

“What do you fear?” He asked, there was a rasp to his voice.

Something in the way that he spoke was chilling, his voice gravelly like he was a revived corpse that clawed its way out of a grave, dirt and rocks filling his throat and making his voice scratchy and raw.

Oswald looked up at him in confusion, the question completely taking him off guard for a second. Out of everything he’d ever been asked that was a new one and he found himself annoyed with this moron trying to play games. 

A smirk played on his lips as he stepped a bit closer to him placing his free hand on the edge of the bar steadying him as he leaned up.

“I fear that you and your little gaggle of morons are going to ruin my business on opening night.”

There was no response from the masked man. He simply continued to stare into Oswald’s eyes, he didn’t blink, not a single time. Normally when insulted one would lose their temper or become nervous, normally one also knew to not cross the Penguin or to vex him, but this new player in Gotham seemed to not be on the up about how things worked.

“Now I suggest that you go out that door before I or one of my many bodyguards are forced to kill you.”

Again, there was no response, just a steady silence. Oswald could feel the tension throughout his own body, he swallowed hard as his brain went between rage and a bit of hesitation and fear. He wanted to scream at him and demand him to speak, but he felt that there was something quite obviously off about this man.

This time the man tilted his head to the side, he moved his gun pointing the nuzzle of it at Oswald’s face. The smaller man flinched back as he felt the metal of it touch against his chin, even if he couldn’t see it due to the mask, he swore that the man was smiling at his reaction. 

“You….You are so filled with fear, it’s just waiting to escape and take hold.” 

He continued to caress Oswald’s skin with the metal of the weapon, Oswald noticed the thin tubing along the sides of it, he worried what was in those canisters and what it would do to him. He lost track of the four gas mask wearing freaks that were following this man, but he did hear a woman’s panicked voice as she announced that the doors were locked. Oswald closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath, this was not how he had planned on his evening going. He made quick work of unscrewing the top of his cane pulling the dagger free, he clutched it firmly in his hand, and was gearing up to reach up and grab this man by his ragged clothing and impale him, but was stopped when he heard a laugh. There was something dry and humorless about the sound, nearly mechanical and forced. 

“I believe it’s time for you to let go and let fear take hold.”

Before he could respond or move Scarecrow pulled the trigger, he saw a glowing green liquid fill the tubes of the gun. Oswald took a stumbling step back wanting to get out of the line of fire of whatever this man was trying to do, but it was too late. A dark green cloud of smoke escaped the barrel of the gun. It filled his nostrils and his lungs choking him, immediately he felt a wave of nausea wash over him as he stumbled back further clamping his hand over his mouth desperately wanting free of this. He watched through bleary watery eyes as the smoke filled the room. He finally caught sight of the other four people, all using similar but smaller guns to release this toxin into the club. 

Scarecrow jumped down from the bar, he took casual steps towards Oswald, his eyes locked on him like he was his sole target. He reached out wrapping gloved fingers around his wrist and roughly pulling his hand from his face forcing him to breathe in the toxic air that choked him until he was gagging and coughing. He kept a painful grip on his wrist as he watched him, head tilted to the side as he studied him like a rat in a lab.

“Just breathe, let it in. I promise you that it’s an eye-opening experience.” 

Oswald brought the dagger up and cut into the taller man’s wrist. He expected him to release him, to cry out in pain or to flinch, but he didn’t. He continued to hold him tightly, continued to stare deeply into his eyes as if waiting for something. Oswald cut again and again, he began stabbing at his arm as fear gripped him wondering why this man was not pulling away from him. 

His knife clattered to the floor as he lost all feeling in his hands, he looked from the discarded weapon back to the man in front of him not even bothering to mask the panic and fear he was feeling as his body began to go numb. Scarecrow released his wrist watching as the older man dropped back onto the floor, a wide pure panic filling his vibrant green eyes. He backed away from him turning and leaving, the sound of shrieks and screams filling his ears like a beautiful orchestra. 

Oswald remained on the floor, he could barely feel his body. He looked around him noticing how some people were sprawled on the floor screaming and begging, others remained standing gripping their heads and screaming like they were being attacked despite no danger being visible.

“Ozzie….Oh Ozzie”

The voice was a familiar one, one he hadn’t heard in three months. Oswald closed his eyes tightly as feeling came back to his body.

“Ozzie!”

He felt him, he could feel his presence and feel him over him. Oswald opened his eyes to see Ed leaning over him. His skin and clothes were coated in thick layers of ice and frost, his skin a faint blue much like Victor’s skin. Oswald backed away from him trying to get to his feet, but he couldn’t manage the feat. Ed laughed at his failed attempts at getting away, there was an intense rage in his nearly black brown eyes. Eyes that he used to love staring into, eyes that used to be so bright and full of kindness and love.

“I thought you’d be happier to see me, after all you have kept me frozen for three months.”

Ed grabbed hold of his legs, his touch biting cold as he jerked Oswald closer to him. 

This wasn’t Ed. Ed was frozen. Oswald looked over his shoulder to the still intact cylinder of ice, but Ed was missing from it. He turned his attention back to the man before him, his teeth gritted and a snarl on his face as he looked down at Oswald. 

“Don’t you have anything you want to say to me?”

“Y-you aren’t Ed.” Oswald stammered out, his voice unsure and nervous.

Ed laughed, the sound loud and jolting, it was enough to make Oswald jump. 

“You know you’re right about that, I haven’t been Ed since the day we met. Little Eddie Nygma from the GCPD, the nervous jittery loser who wasn’t good enough to converse with the great Penguin.” 

He leaned in closer until his face was mere inches from Oswald’s.

“But then I found you and I helped you and in return you created me, you created something that you would be proud to have around.”

“E-Ed you, you know that isn’t….I was trying to help, I wanted to help you!” He argued weakly.

Even as the words left his mouth he knew it was a load of shit. He had found Ed to be annoying, his chipper attitude and his eagerness to help and care for him when they had first lived together had driven him up the wall. He had spent days working in his brain how Ed could become useful, what he could do to make him into somebody who he would want to have around.

“Oh yes help, of course you were only trying to help me! Just like you helped Butch by chopping his hand off or how you helped your parents. You realize you were supposed to be the one to die, not them. Imagine how many people would still be alive and happy if it weren’t for you.”

Oswald closed his eyes, he could feel the iciness in the air, he could feel Ed’s cold breath against his skin. Some sad desperate piece of him almost wished to touch his cheek, to press his lips to his and kiss him.

“Please stop, I’m sorry, I’m sorry okay. Is that what you want me to say?” He asked loudly opening his eyes to glare at him.

Ed pulled back smiling, his eyes still dark and hateful as he looked at him. 

“No. You aren’t sorry, if you were sorry you would have put a bullet in my head instead of making me into a glorified centerpiece. No if you really want me to feel that you’re sorry then you’ll pick up that knife and slit your throat.”

“What?”

“Kill yourself, take yourself out of their lives. We both know that you’re going to turn that poor girl into a monster like you did with me and don’t even get me started on the human popsicle.”

Oswald tensed, “Don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what? Tell you the truth, tell you what we both know. That you can’t feel love, that you’re a cold selfish bastard who is going to hurt and destroy a man you supposedly are in love with. How long do you think it’s going to take until he figures out what you really are?”

He didn’t want to hear this, he didn’t want to hear any of it. He felt that it wasn’t real, that none of this was true. He wanted so desperately to escape this waking nightmare, to make this nightmare image of the man he loved to go away.

“What do you want a change of scenery?”

Oswald furrowed his brow confused by the question.

“I always thought you could go a lifetime looking at my beautiful face, I’m in your head Ozzie. I know all the romantic and filthy things you used to think about me.” Ed placed a hand on his thigh his touch cold as he moved his hand higher. Oswald let out a shuddering breath.

“Stop, Ed please stop.” He begged covering his eyes with his hands silently wishing away the image of his former friend, the man he wanted so desperately to stop loving.

The weight lifted from him, he lowered his hands feeling a rush of relief wash over him as he saw Ed was nowhere in sight. He watched as others were completely losing their minds, some sobbing, others screaming, and quite a few people were clawing at their skin desperately trying to rid themselves of the nightmare visions they were being forced to see. 

He let out a laugh just happy to know he was freed of whatever the hell had taken hold of him. The relief was short lived though. 

Freezing cold hands gripped his shoulders, he felt the cool wetness of Ed’s clothes pressed against his back and the chill of his breath tickling the back of his ear.

“Miss me?” Ed whispered, his lips brushed against the side of Oswald’s neck and he felt like he could burst into tears at this point.

Yet he didn’t answer the question, he remained silent and refused to try and look back at him. He continued to survey his surroundings watching as a portly man who must be in his early forties dug a fork into his right eye prying it out while screaming for God to save him. Oswald looked away from the scene, not because it disgusted him, but because he felt that if he had to endure another minute of this he might suffer a similar fate. Ed laughed at his discomfort and at the man gouging out his own eyes.

“Some people just can’t handle fear, not like you can.”

He felt Ed’s lips press against his skin again, the kisses freezing cold so much like how Victor’s lips would feel against his skin before he found the cure to his affliction. Oswald roughly pulled away from him, he picked the knife up from the ground, and then scrambled to his feet backing away from Ed who remained kneeling on the floor watching him with those intense black eyes of his. He watched as he rose to his feet taking casual strides towards the smaller frightened man, he reached out an icy hand gesturing for Oswald to give him the knife. Oswald continued to back up until he felt the edge of the bar dig into his lower back, he held the knife firmly in his hand glaring daringly at Ed.

“You couldn’t kill me on the docks, you couldn’t give me up to Barbara Kean. I threw your father’s remains into a dumpster and you were still willing to forgive me. I bet you had it all planned out too, I’d untie you, we could go back home together and just sit by the fireplace.”

Ed wrapped his long cold fingers around Oswald’s wrist stilling him, he stepped closer until there was barely an inch of space between their bodies. With his free hand, he reached up taking hold of Oswald’s chin tilting his head back, the smaller man clenched his jaw gritting his teeth as he stared up at this imposter.

“I would beg you to forgive me and you would, you wouldn’t even have a second thought about it. I would have held you in my arms, brushed my fingers through your hair, and confessed my love for you.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he continued to look up at him, he could feel him. Feel his body firmly pressed against his own, his breath on his skin as he leaned in closer. Oswald didn’t even notice his knife was now pressed up against his own throat, his focus was solely on this ghost of the man he had loved so deeply it had nearly killed him.

“I would have called you beautiful, I would have so gently pressed my lips to yours….”

Oswald shivered as he felt icy lips brush over his, the blade pressed against his throat biting into his skin. He hissed as the metal stung and cut.

“Oswald!”

The voice shouting his name sounded distorted and distant. He could only feel Ed and the metal digging into his skin.

Oswald closed his eyes seeking out to feel more of him, but all he felt was biting metal and all he heard was Ed’s harsh laugh. He heard his name frantically being called out, the voice calling for him booming deep and so familiar. 

Fingers wrapped around the wrist of the hand that held the knife to his throat squeezing so tightly that it began to hurt causing him to release the blade, once more it clattered to the tile floor. Oswald’s eyes flew open and he looked up in confusion, Ed was no longer there. Instead Victor stood before him, his glowing blue eyes filled with an intense panic as he stared down at his lover. He released his wrist, his large hands moving to Oswald’s neck gently touching over his damaged and bleeding skin.

“Ed….Where’s Ed?” He croaked out sounding confused.

Victor looked up at him, “He’s where he always is, frozen.”

Oswald looked back behind him to see that Victor was correct. Inside the cylinder of ice beneath the spot lights was Ed, mouth hanging open, reaching out and forever looking like a man hitting rock bottom. He cried in pain when he felt Victor’s fingers brush over the wound in his throat, Victor quickly retracted his hand apologizing profusely for hurting the smaller hand.

Oswald took hold of Victor’s hand, a small forced smile forming on his lips as he brought his boyfriend’s hand to his lips pressing a kiss to the top of it. 

“How bad does it look?” He asked doing his best to keep his voice calm.

“Not as bad as it would have looked if I got to you another second later. I’m so sorry, I should have been here. This wouldn’t have happened if I had come with you tonight, he never would have had the chance to attack the place.”

The anger from earlier filled Oswald as he remembered the man who crashed the opening night of his new club. 

“Did they catch him?”

Victor sighed, “No they didn’t, apparently he’s been hitting places up for the past couple of days. This was his biggest attack, they said his name is Jonathan Crane, but he’s calling himself Scarecrow.”

Oswald rolled his eyes at the name, though Crane sounded a bit familiar.

“First thing in the morning I’m going to look up information on him, figure out where he’s hiding out, and I’m going to sever his head from his body.”

Victor moved his hands to Oswald’s hips, he easily pulled the smaller man against his body.

“No, you aren’t. First thing we do is we’re going to go home, I’m going to get you cleaned up, and then we’re going to bed. What he dosed this place was is dangerous, the GCPD and the doctors still don’t know exactly what it might be doing to the victims and they don’t know how long it last in the system.”

Oswald rolled his eyes, “So what are you trying to say, that you’re going to keep me locked inside my home and watch me, make sure I don’t go insane?”

Victor wrapped his arms around him, he leaned down pressing a kiss against his forehead.

“I would put it into nicer words, but essentially yes.”

Oswald wanted to tell him that was ridiculous and that he was sure he was fine, but there was a dull throbbing in his head and even though he wouldn’t say it out loud he felt that Ed was still somewhere watching him.

“Besides you know I’m very interested in science and this is a new chemical agent, this is honestly a bit more interesting than the Tetch virus was. As far as I can tell this doesn’t have a lifelong effect, thankfully. If we can find a way to get ahold of some small amount of whatever Crane is using then I’m sure I could find a solution to it.”

He liked how excited Victor was when he was on the topic of scientific discoveries, but the idea that this toxin could possibly remain in his system for an extended time had him worried. 

Victor kissed him gently taking his mind away from his worries and from the paranoia that Ed was lurking in the shadows waiting. Oswald wrapped his arms around the taller man holding him close, he found himself smiling against his lips. The brilliant light in his chemical blue eyes was an intense contrast from the blackness of fake Ed’s eyes. Oswald nuzzled against his jaw quietly thanking him for showing up when he did.

“Can we go home now, I don’t exactly feel like dealing with this anymore tonight.”

Victor kissed the side of his head agreeing with him, he took hold of Oswald’s hand leading him through the chaotic mess that was now the Lounge and out the front door and into the chilly night air. They made their way through the throngs of people, police sirens blaring, and paramedics loading body bags into their ambulances. Oswald glanced over the living, clothes torn, people sobbing, and others just rocking back and forth looking deeply traumatized by whatever fearful images had harmed them. Oswald looked away feeling sick, he kept close to Victor as they made their way to the waiting car, on the way home he kept silent only able to think about Ed and the things he had said.

At home Victor helped him out of the car and into the home, without warning he scooped the smaller man up in his arms carrying him bridal style up the stairs and into their shared bedroom. He sat him down on the edge of the bed and told him to stay before heading off into the connecting bathroom. Oswald felt uneasy in the large dimly lit room alone, he felt like there were eyes watching him from all corners of the room. A feeling that he hadn’t had in some time, not since Ed and Basil played their trick on him. 

Victor re-entered the room a few minutes later with a damp wash cloth, a bottle of peroxide, and cotton balls. He knelt before him and carefully patted and ran the soft cloth against his skin washing away the drying blood and revealing the paper-thin line of the cut on his throat. Oswald remained silent as Victor washed his skin, the only real noises he made were hisses and soft groans as he felt the cold and slight sting of the peroxide on the cut. Victor didn’t press for conversation, he didn’t ask him any questions about what he had hallucinated though if he was interested in finding out more about the toxin then Oswald knew he would possibly start to ask him questions about what it had caused him to see. 

When he finished cleaning his wound he retreated to the bathroom once more to clean up. While he was out of the room Oswald decided to change clothes. He removed his jacket laying it across the back of the chair that sat near his dresser, he removed his vest and his dress shirt adding them to the neat pile. Oswald opened the top drawer of the dresser pulling out a large faded black Pink Floyd shirt, he stroked his fingers along the soft threadbare material smiling to himself. He had so many nice pajama tops, but this shirt smelled like Victor and he enjoyed the way that it hung on his body. He slipped it on over his head before he went to removing his pants, shoes, and socks. By the time he was changed and crawling into bed Victor re-entered the room. He stood by the edge of the bed watching Oswald, he smirked as he looked him over.

“What?” He asked meeting the older man’s bright-eyed gaze.

Victor shook his head, he removed his own shirt and crawled onto the bed. He settled on his knees before the other man continuing to let his eyes roam over his body. He placed a hand against his exposed thigh, his thumb rubbing over his soft skin, he chuckled when Oswald gasped at his cool touch.

“You look beautiful.” Victor commented softly, he leaned down pressing his lips to his before Oswald would argue him on his compliment.

Oswald kissed him back, teeth biting against Victor’s full bottom lip teasingly. He placed a hand against the back of his head allowing his fingers to pet through the soft locks of white hair, he felt Victor’s cool skin press against him, his hand move up his thigh to his hip. Victor laid down on the bed pulling Oswald most of the way on top of him, he moved his hand to his ass squeezing, fingers pressing against firm flesh. Oswald pulled back smirking at him.

“I’m gathering that you really missed me today.” He teased.

Victor moved his hand up further leaving it to rest against his back.

“You could have died.” He said, his voice was flat and factual, but Oswald knew the fact bothered him.

“I didn’t though and besides from the day we met I’ve been almost dying constantly, remember your first reaction to me was to try and kill me.” He reminded him, he kissed the tip of his nose before moving down to rest his head against Victor’s chest.

“I apologized for trying to kill you months ago, I didn’t know you then. Now that I do know you, I don’t want to lose you. The way you looked when I found you, you were completely out of it. It was like you were listening to another person who wasn’t there, do you remember what you saw or what you heard?”

Oswald stalled on answering, he considered telling him the truth, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so.

“No, I don’t. I remember Crane crashing my party then I remember you saving me from slitting my throat open.”

Victor wrapped an arm around his back holding onto him, he kissed the top of Oswald’s head.

“That’s okay, if you remember let me know though. I don’t know what all will help with the research right now.”

Oswald nodded, he whispered to him that he’d tell him anything he could remember once he started remembering again. He was thankful that was the end of the discussion of the toxin, the room fell silent and soon enough he could tell that Victor was sleeping soundly. As for himself it took a bit longer to lull himself into sleep, he focused on the steady beating of Victor’s heart reminding him of what was real and what was safe until he fell asleep.


	2. Rooms of Nightmares, We're Far Past Lovers Now

Oswald woke with a start, their bedroom was still bathed in darkness, almost too dark to truly make out anything, even the shapes of the furniture. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, fear clutching him in its icy grip. He looked to his side noting that Victor was sprawled out on the bed still fast asleep, broad chest slowly rising and falling with each even breath. Oswald tried to focus on him instead of the feeling of eyes burning holes in the back of his head. He counted it each time his chest rose and fall, he reached out to run his fingertips along his strong jawline, his touch feather light not wanting to wake him. Oswald’s own breathing was heavy, coming in shorter as fear and panic grew stronger. His fingers felt numb and he could no longer feel the coolness of his boyfriend’s cool blue tinted skin. He felt like saying his name, asking him to help him escape the feeling overtaking him, the feeling he had felt back at the Lounge. 

“Do you think he actually loves you?” Ed’s voice echoed from the darkness.

There was a hollow echo in his words that sounded through the room sending chills down his spine. Oswald kept his gaze on Victor wanting so badly to ignore the hallucination haunting him.

“If you hadn’t funded his research and given him two million to find a cure to his condition then he would have been gone.”

“What do you want Ed?” He finally asked, his voice sounding done and exhausted.

The other man laughed, the sound a bit crazed like Ed had been towards the end of things between them.

“I want you to follow me, I got something to show you.”

Oswald closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, he pulled away from Victor’s sleeping form and scooted towards the edge of the bed. He looked around the darkened room as he lowered his legs over the edge, he could feel something sharp running down the backs of his legs making him gasp and jerk his legs up against his chest. Ed’s maniacal laughter filled the darkened room, the sound of clapping accompanying it. Oswald looked back over his shoulder to see if the sounds had startled Victor awake, but it had not.

Slowly and carefully he lowered his legs until his bare feet touched the hardwood floor. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he got to his feet, sharp pains shooting up his permanently injured leg.

“What do you want to show me?”

Suddenly Ed was standing before him, frost coated hand held out to him. Oswald looked from his dark eyes to his hand, his nails blackened with decay and his skin cracking in places revealing muscle and bone beneath his frost bitten skin. Carefully he placed his hand in his gritting his teeth at the painful cold that he felt. A devious smile played on Ed’s lips as he closed his fingers around Oswald’s hand and turned to begin leading him out of the bedroom. Oswald gave one final look back over his shoulder at Victor, still sleeping peacefully unaware that his boyfriend was following the hallucination of an unrequited love.

When they left the bedroom, the door shut behind them causing Oswald to jump, he found himself press against Ed purely from instinct. Ed looked at him as if he wanted to say something about their proximity, to mock him for still seeking him out for physical comfort. Oswald was quick to move away from him reminding himself that this was not Ed, his eyes were black and filled with a disturbing sense of malice. Ed began walking again leading him down the hall, the air felt hot and heavy around them and he could almost feel his reality pulsing as sharp pains shot through his skull.

“Do you really think that I was in love with you?” Ed asked off handedly.

Oswald was quiet as he thought it over.

“Yes,” was his weak response as he looked down at the floor.

“Liar, we’ve been over this. I’m in your head, I know when you’re lying to me and to yourself.”

“I thought you could learn to love me, i-if I was kind enough, and if I provided enough for you.”

“Wow you really are just like your father, but I figure you’ll go out more so like your grandfather. Reminds me of what I wanna show you.” Ed tightened his grip on him and dragged him into a room.

Oswald had admittedly not been paying too much attention to where Ed had been leading him. He didn’t realize until he looked around the room noticing it as his study. Ed released his grip on his hand and backed away from him, he gestured dramatically towards the desk in the center of the room. Oswald looked from the sadistic glee on his former friend’s face to what sat behind the desk, an image of himself. He felt fear grip him tighter than it already had been as he looked at this mirror image of himself, eyes sad and tired. 

By instinct he wanted to look away, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He watched as his other self reached into the top drawer of the desk pulling out a revolver, a revolver that had been kept in that desk for many years longer than it ever should have been. He watched as tears filled his eyes, his hand trembling slightly as he worked to steady himself. Oswald watched himself as he brought the barrel of the gun up to his mouth, lips wrapping around the cool metal, he could almost taste it. He watched as he closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks as he placed his finger over the trigger. Oswald backed away from the scene playing out before him until his back hit against the door. The deafening bang of the gun jolted him, the scene that unfolded before him seemed to happen in mere seconds but it was seared in his brain in a way that he knew would haunt him forever. 

Oswald looked wide eyed at his own corpse, blood pouring from his mouth and nostrils soaking into papers that lay under his head and pooling on the dark wood of his desk, eyes blank and unseeing as they stared right at him. Ed laughed, he clapped his hands together like an excited child. He moved in front of the smaller man, he leaned in close completely blocking his view of the gruesome scene. Oswald blinked back his tears as he focused on Ed’s mocking face.

“Wasn’t that fun, but don’t worry I have another gift for you.” He leaned in closer pressing a kiss to Oswald’s cheek.

He took hold of his hand pulling him along out of the room, Oswald looked back noticing there was no longer a body or blood. Just a room. A room full of God awful memories.

Oswald couldn’t bring himself to refuse or speak as Ed dragged him along down the hallway, he couldn’t stop replaying that scene in his head. He wanted so badly to believe that the toxin would wear off and this would disappear that he’d be left alone in his home and no longer be subject to rooms of nightmares. 

Ed stopped outside of the next room, he pressed his back against the door and pulled Oswald close to his chest placing his hands on Oswald’s hips. The sudden closeness and touching caught him by surprise. His touch no longer felt biting and cold, instead his hands felt soft and warm like how they used to always feel. Oswald blinked and Ed’s face for a moment looked normal, no longer coated with ice and cracking in places, his eyes were no longer hateful and as black as the void, but were now their usual warm brown that regarded him with love and tenderness. His full pink lips quirked up in a smile, the skin crinkling at the corners of his eyes. Oswald let out a shaky breath as he looked at him, he felt his hands on him and it felt perfect, it felt like how they were supposed to be. 

“Ed?” He choked out his voice strained as he reached up with a shaky hand to touch his cheek.

When he blinked again the nightmare image returned. Ed’s skin was cold and cracking once more, his eyes dark as he glared down at him, his pale chapped lips turning downward as he snarled at the smaller man. In a second he was slapping Oswald’s hand away and shoving him back a step.

“I didn’t want you to touch me the day that I shot you and I definitely don’t want you touching me now after you made me a frozen attraction at your club.”

The words stung and he felt like he was back at that day on the docks.

Ed’s mood shifted again, he grinned down at him.

“Now this next scene is very special. It’s one I personally quite enjoy….You on the other hand I’m not too sure, you seem to be quite sensitive these days, I believe all this love crap has made you weak.” He mocked as he poked Oswald’s stomach.

Oswald flinched back, Ed took hold of his wrist as he turned and pushed open the door dragging the smaller man in. Oswald closed his eyes refusing to look at whatever horrid sights Ed wanted him to be witness to. 

He heard the door slam shut behind them, a moment later he felt something sharp pressing against the sides of his head making him cry out in pain. The pressure continued to grow, the thick sound of radio static filled the room until the pain was so great that he had to open his eyes. 

A new wave of horror crashed over him at the sight before him, he took a step back tripping and falling onto his ass. He scooted backward until he had his back against the wall, he pulled his legs up against his chest as tears filled his eyes. He felt that even if he didn’t want to look he had no choice.

Before him in the center of the room lay a pile of bodies, laid out like rag dolls. 

His parents and Fish Mooney, all gruesomely dead and laying just barely a foot away from him. He could feel his heart thudding in his chest, he clutched the sides of his head digging his nails against his scalp as he began screaming and crying. Ed’s laughter penetrated the room rising above the static, he stepped into view nudging Fish’s head with the toe of his shoe. He looked over at Oswald smirking at the reaction he was giving.

“I realize that I already gave you the gift of your dad’s corpse a few months ago, but I figured this would be much better. Look at them Ozzie, this is all cause of you. You knew the rules, you knew that you were putting your mother at risk. You knew they would die, they died when you were supposed to be the victim.”

“Shut up!” He screamed at him, he balled his hands into fists his nails biting into the palms of his hands.

Ed knelt by the bodies, he stroked his fingers through Gertrude’s thick curls of blond hair, hair now soaked with blood.

“Pretty woman, she had really bad luck, didn’t she? We both know for as much as you loved her she drove you crazy, you knew she wasn’t all there mentally so you just avoided going home more and more often. I figure it two ways with you, you’re going to become some crazy old bag hoarding rats some day or become a recluse like your father.”

Oswald gritted his teeth as he glared at Ed, he did everything he could to not look at the bodies. He couldn’t stand the glazed over eyes of the people he loved, the people who gave him the world and tried to make him something they could take pride in. People he had let down, people who had died because of his selfishness and his stupid mistakes, people he was supposed to protect. 

Ed stroked his fingers along Elijah’s pale cheek, he smiled down at the body.

“Handsome old man, you really do look a lot like him. Maybe if you complained less I would have been into you….You had a chance y’know? It just doesn’t feel right that I’m not a part of the pile of corpses your throne sits upon, but you couldn’t let me just die.”

Oswald turned his head looking away from them all.

“Remember that Ozzie? I begged you to kill me, you knew from day one that I wasn’t okay, you knew I had mental issues, and yet all you cared about was how I could help you. You hated to be alone and I was the only person you felt could supply the company you required, you could have still had them.” Ed said as he climbed to his feet and pointed towards Oswald’s parents.

He could feel his body trembling, something made him look back at the corpses.

“Every wrong choice you have made left somebody dead and one of these days Ivy and Victor will join this pile. Oh man how I wish I could be there to see that!”

Ed placed his hands on either side of Oswald’s head forcing him to look up into his eyes.

“What do you think it’ll be, you think they’ll get shot or maybe stabbed….Though I suppose after your mother and after Fish that stabbing is a bit redundant. What’s it like Ozzie, holding them while the life leaves their eyes and they die in your arms?”

Oswald closed his eyes again, he found himself screaming. It was all he had left to do, he couldn’t think of anything else. He had no clue how he could make the bodies and Ed vanish, he didn’t know why the toxin was still making him see things when it had been hours since he’d been doused with it. 

The door to the room slammed open and in a moment hands were grabbing his wrists pulling hard.

“Oswald, Oswald wake up.”

His eyes snapped open, chest heaving, and his throat sore and raw. He looked up at Victor who knelt before him, he looked over his shoulder to see there were no bodies in the room. He looked back into Victor’s eyes as his reality set back in, no longer blurry around the edges. He felt a searing hot pain in his arms that made him hiss and begin to cry in pain, Oswald looked down to see his forearms torn up, deep scratches going all along his pale skin. There was skin and blood beneath his nails and staining his fingertips, his eyes widened as he looked back to Victor.

“Victor?” He asked, his voice raspy and scared like that of a child after a bad nightmare.

He didn’t say anything he just wrapped his arms around him and pulled him against his chest placing a hand against the back of Oswald’s head burying his fingers in black locks of hair. Oswald hid his face against his chest, his breathing was heavy and he felt suddenly sick. 

“What happened?” Oswald asked, he didn’t understand how he had torn into his arms so badly.

“I woke up to the sound of you screaming, you were sitting here scratching your arms and speaking nonsense.”

“I….I saw them Victor, I saw Fish and my parents….I saw their corpses.” He confessed before breaking down into tears.

The older man pet his fingers through his hair, he kissed the side of his head gently shushing him. 

“We’re going to get you cleaned up, a nice warm bath, and then I’m putting you back to bed.”

“I don’t think I can sleep.”

“Just try, I’ll stay up and keep an eye on you. I swear I won’t let you hurt yourself anymore.”

Oswald nodded his head.

He was solemn and quiet as Victor helped him to his feet then scooped him up into his arms carrying him out of the room. Oswald’s eyes were fixated on the scratches on his arms, he was terrified knowing that under the influence of the toxin that he could hurt himself without ever being remotely aware of what he was doing. 

In the bathroom Victor set him down on the counter by the sink. Oswald watched as he went about filling the tub with water and oils, a sweet faint fragrance filling the large bathroom. He hummed to himself as he worked, he’d look back at Oswald ever now and again just to make sure he was at least somewhat okay. The smaller man sat there kicking his legs back and forth, the backs of his feet hitting the counter, his head was lowered and his now messed hair hung over his face. Still his eyes were fixed on his bleeding arm.

Victor walked over to him, he opened the medicine cabinet that hung above the sink and pulled out a roll of bandages along with Betadine, he set the items down next to Oswald then retrieved two clean cloths. 

“What all did you see?” He asked him as he went to work wetting the cloths.

“I told you, I saw my family.”

“What else did you see little bird?”

Oswald sighed, tears rolled down his cheeks. 

“I saw Ed, I saw Ed before at the Lounge as well. He’s been mocking me, he showed me a hallucination of me….Of me shooting myself in the head.”

Oswald winced when Victor pressed the cloth to his arm gently washing away the blood revealing that thankfully the wounds weren’t all terrible, but some seemed to run deeper than either of them would like.

“You know that none of it is real, right?” He asked looking up to meet Oswald’s eyes.

He didn’t answer him, he looked away from his eyes just watching as Victor washed his wounds then applied the medicine to ensure he wouldn’t get an infection. He helped the smaller man down from the counter and lead him to the tub helping him into that as well. Oswald sighed as he felt the warm water surrounding him, his body relaxing as he leaned his head back against the lip of the tub. He was content to just lay there relaxing while Victor lovingly and carefully washed his body and his hair, his fingers massaging his scalp drawing mewls and moans from him. He heard Victor chuckle at the sounds he made when he massaged his scalp.

“I’m going to take care of you, I’ll dedicate an entire week to it.”

Oswald smiled softly, he opened his eyes looking up at his lover.

“You don’t have to; besides I want you researching Crane.”

Victor leaned down kissing him quickly before pulling back, he continued to massage his scalp for a moment more before ringing the conditioner from his hair. Once it was out he resumed massaging his scalp once more.

“I can do both; I can dedicate an hour to researching that creepy little bastard then then dedicate two to pampering you.”

Oswald laughed and rolled his eyes, “I prefer you finding Mr. Crane.”

Victor moved his hands to Oswald’s shoulders applying a firm amount of pressure as he massaged him working the tension out of his muscles. He relaxed further, another moan falling from his lips.

“I swear I’ll find Crane and I’ll find a way to reverse the effects of his toxin faster, I don’t know how long it’s going to be until it has completely run its course and is out of your system.”

He could tell that Victor was worrying, he couldn’t blame him. He had woken up in the middle of the night to find him clawing his arms open like a lunatic. Oswald swallowed hard thinking about what his father had told him about his grandfather.

Victor kissed the top of his head, “Come on, I need to bandage your arms up, and then maybe I can continue giving you a massage once we’re in our room.”

Oswald waved the morbid thoughts from his head, he allowed Victor to help him out of the tub. He was quiet as his arms were bandaged up hiding the hideous red marks that marred his skin. He was more than pleased to be on his back, laying on his stomach with his head turned to the side. Victor knelt behind him, he coated his hands with massage oil the fragrance filling the room. Oswald sighed when he felt his hands on his back, fingers and knuckles pushing and rubbing working out kinks and knots. Once more he found himself focusing on something more pleasant and forcing the thoughts of what Ed had shown him from his mind.


	3. Wake Up Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to update, I have a lot of ideas I want to put in here, and in honor of Amy Winehouse's birthday I thought I'd include that song.

There was something almost off about being in the Iceberg Lounge in the early hours of the morning long before it was time to set up for opening. In the days following Crane’s attack on the club, Oswald found himself spending more time in the Lounge than at his own home. He knew it might not be a good idea, but his study made him feel ill and if he allowed himself too long in darkened rooms he could swear ghosts were watching him with judging eyes, asking why he hadn’t done more. So, Oswald found himself at the Lounge, spending his time drinking and feeling unnerved yet comforted by the presence of Ed’s frozen form. At first, he went alone, but then one morning Ivy had caught him before he had gotten out the door asking if she could come along so they could have some time together. He had had the feeling that Victor was the reason behind the girl wanting to accompany him, but he hadn’t said anything about it. He had just sighed in defeat after about half a minute of her looking at him like an excited puppy wanting to go for a walk in the park, smiled, and then told her she could come along.

He had caught on quite soon that one of her reasons for coming along was that she was hoping he could advise her. He felt a bit of pride when she told him she wanted to be like him, he had also had this nagging feeling of shame and guilt, and flashbacks to somebody with bright wide eyes eagerly making the same request.

Oswald would never admit it, but there were times when he was alone with Ivy in the Lounge telling her how to properly dispose of a body and how to properly handle guns and knives that he thought of Ed. The days when he had been staying in his former friend’s apartment, teaching him the basics, at least enough to keep him from getting arrested or killed. He remembered how he had warned him to not pursue this lifestyle, that it would only lead to pain and loss and regret, and he remembered how Ed had willfully ignored him. Ivy was a lot like that, bright eyed and smiling, she almost treated this like they were playing a game. As adorable as he found this he also found it unsettling, he wanted her to be safe and to take this seriously, he did not want her getting hurt or becoming like Ed.

‘She won’t turn out like Ed if you don’t screw her over.’

He willfully ignored that thought and returned his attention back to the girl he was attempting to mentor.

“An important lesson is to trust nobody, the more people that you give your trust to then the more people there are to turn on you and stab you in the back.”

‘Or shoot you in the gut.’

Ivy nodded her head, red painted lips pressed in a thin line as she concentrated on his words. 

“You are the most important person that you have and of course in your case you seem to be quite gifted when it comes to plants, that’s your strength and you need to use that, but you also need to know how to use weapons properly.”

“I’m still sorry about the window I broke yesterday.” 

Oswald forced a smile, “It’s fine, simple mistake….I should have warned you more about the kick back.”

He had learned fast that she didn’t respond well to his temper and the more he had thought about it the more he had realized he’d had no reason at all to be cruel towards her. She was just a child and she had saved his life.

‘So had Ed and you turned him into a monster, one you were proud of until he turned into something too ugly. Now look at him.’

Oswald looked towards Ed’s frozen form, the look on his face he forever was unable to discern. He still wondered what would have happened if Victor hadn’t pulled the trigger, if he had allowed Ed to grab him. Would he have weakly attacked him, would he have wrapped his arms around his waist and dropped to his knees begging for the sweet release of death?

Ivy noticed the way he looked at Ed, she could see the tears glistening in his eyes, and that sense of doubt he seemed to get anytime he was around the center piece for too long. It was a lot like the look she had seen on his face that day on the docks, the atmosphere on that day had been a lot like the atmosphere at her father’s funeral, very few attendees, and just this heaviness of mixed emotion.

“So when you tell me not to trust anybody….Does that mean I can’t trust Selina?”

Oswald jumped slightly at the sound of her voice pulling him from his thoughts. He turned his attention back to her.

“Do you really have to ask me that one?”

Ivy shrugged and rolled her eyes, “Um yeah, I’ve known her for like ever….I know she does bad things and she isn’t always there, but she is a good person.” She defended.

“I’m not saying that you can’t be around her, you can do whatever you wish. I’m just telling you that it’s safer if you’re careful around her, she looks out for herself and if you rely on her too much then it would only take a couple grand for her to screw you over.”

As much as Oswald begrudgingly admired the teenager he did also loathe her. Selina was wise, she seemed to be wiser than most adults he had had the displeasure of working alongside. She was brilliant with getting information, getting into spaces that nobody else would even attempt to get into, and to her own extent she could be loyal, but only for a short time. He wondered idly if she was going to remain loyal to Tabitha or not.

Ivy fell silent for a moment, he wondered for a second if he had hurt her feelings, he knew that she had quite a close friendship with Selina back before things changed.

‘What do you care if you hurt her feelings? It’s not like she’s your kid or anything.’

“So, if I can’t trust anybody then can I trust you?”

He could swear he heard a harsh barking laugh coming from Ed’s direction.

Oswald sighed heavily and rolled his eyes, “You can trust me, we’ve been over this. If you couldn’t then I wouldn’t be doing this for you, now would I?”

She hummed and furrowed her brow staring down at him.

“Yeah, but what if you’re doing this to trick me into a false sense of comfort just so you can screw me over later?”

He bit his tongue fighting the urge to call her an idiot.

“Ivy….I’m your friend, you live in my house, and to be frank you have nothing I want to use to my advantage or take. I have literally no reason to screw you over. You can trust me, I promise.”

She continued to stare at him for a moment or two before smiling deciding that she could trust him.

“Okay so I can trust you, but Selina I should be on the fence about….What about Victor?”

Oswald snorted at that, “Of course you can trust Victor.”

“You said not to trust anyone though.”

“Okay don’t trust anybody except for me and Victor.”

She was quiet again regarding him then looking towards Ed.

“How do you know you can trust somebody?”

Oswald thought over the question, he honestly had no idea. Trust relied on a sort of blind faith, you gave trust to somebody, because they made you feel safe. He had given his trust to Ed, he had given him so much, and it had gone horribly.

“You just know.” He finally responded softly.

“Did you trust that guy?” She asked nodding towards Ed.

He chanced a glance over at the sculpture before looking away as he felt that familiar regret and panic settle over him.

“Yes, and it was a foolish thing to do, I also used to trust James Gordon before I realized what a mistake that is.”

‘Never trust cops, cops are pigs…. He should have followed his mother’s advice.’

“What is it that makes you feel like Victor is different then, not like I’m saying he’s a bad guy, but your relationships all seem seriously complicated.”

Oswald smirked, “I love him, he’s proven nothing but loyal to me and my visions for what I want to do with the city. I helped him out and he’s still remained by my side, he’s been good to me.”

‘So was Ed, he was a loyal pet. Snap your fingers and he would come running waiting to get a pat on the head…. Now you have Victor, your knight in shining armor, protecting you, but who protects him from you?’

The thought rattled him to his core. The voice in his head he could swear was his own, but there was an overlay almost making him think it was Ed. Ever since the visual hallucinations had ceased his mind had started to change in ways, ways that he wasn’t exactly comfortable with. He worked to ignore the intrusive thoughts, some of them tended to be harder to ignore than others. 

Thankfully for him despite the intrusive thoughts he managed to function quite normally. Ever since Jonathan Crane’s attack on the Lounge he had decided upping security might be a good idea, at least until Crane was found and paid for the damages caused. He was quite pleased when he found that the scene Jonathan had caused didn’t harm his business in the least, if anything it seemed to draw more people in. It did help that he was working to gain everybody’s money and trust away from the GCPD. 

That night during the club’s business hours he worked the floor watching as Ivy socialized, he always was sure to keep an eye on her and to make sure none of the male patrons got too close to the girl. He watched as she casually leaned back against the bar, champagne flute in hand; three men of varying ages gathered around her joking and laughing, probably telling her stories about their wealth and all that they owned in an attempt to impress the young woman. Oswald kept an eye on them, hand clutching his cane ready to cut the first one who laid a hand on her or tried to lead her out of the main room.

‘You really need to stop acting like you’re her father, we both know you would make a horrible parent.’

He felt more at ease when she coaxed two of the men into smelling her perfume, their eyes seeming to glaze over as they fell under her spell. Oswald smiled watching as she said something to them, both men hurrying to hand their wallets and rings over to her. Realizing she would be just fine he turned and made his way through the crowd.

His night consisted mostly of people approaching him to ask how he was doing after the Scarecrow’s attack on the club, people still fawning over Ed’s frozen body and how nicely the light shone through the ice cylinder. He always made sure to credit Victor when it came to the shape, design, and durability of the sculpture. Anybody he thought might not be an utter waste of time he’d inform them about the gadgets and weapons that Victor was creating, the things he was capable of, they always seemed impressed, and Oswald was able to walk away feeling proud that he was dating a genius. Oswald had found out many years ago that in Gotham when some disaster struck people were quick to turn into rattled sheep, they ran around screaming like idiots until somebody gave them a sense of security or a target for their rage and fear. It was how he had won the mayoral campaign of course, he was grateful that Ed had kept him from buying that win. Now that Jonathan Crane had the city fearing for their lives and realizing that the GCPD were completely incapable of handling the situation, they were looking for somebody to help them. Oswald once again was finding himself in position to help the idiots of the city.

Zsasz had some friends or at least his idea of what friends were, people in the trades business, and people who were quite skilled with customizing weapons. His people for a price were quite happy to help Oswald out, so he made the rounds hitting up every stuffed shirt and paranoid jackass he could find, informing them that he had shipments of customized weapons coming into his possession soon. He told them different things depending on person, mostly informing them that the police were clueless on how to protect the city from mass attacks, how the city had nearly torn itself apart and was still recovering from the Tetch virus, and Jim Gordon had quite the record of violence. Oswald offered them his card, his business line and a number for Zsasz as well listed at the bottom, he’d pat them on the shoulder and promise them he could get them anything they might want to keep them and their loved ones safe from harm.

As the night wore on he was five drinks in and had managed to lure a good portion of the upper class away from the cops, they were trusting him or at least they were trusting his wealth and his access to what they needed. Even the nagging thoughts hadn’t been bothering him which he was more than grateful for. 

Eventually he retired himself to his private office. He found Victor and Zsasz already in the room, Zsasz crouching on the throne like chair behind the large table and Victor standing off to the side in his custom-made freeze suit, freeze ray in hand just in case. He seemed to have interrupted whatever conversation the two men had been having, Victor gave him a small smile when he saw the smaller man enter the room and Zsasz perked up giving him a wave as he jumped off the chair quickly moving away from it, Oswald had already told him half a dozen times not to put his feet on it.

“Heya boss, so how is everything going?” 

“It’s good, better than good actually. If one good thing has come out of that bastard raising hell all over the city it’s that people are paranoid and running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Make sure to be polite when you get calls about our weapons.”

“I’m polite.” Zsasz defended, dark brown eyes intensely locked on his boss.

Oswald tried to find a delicate way to tell him that he was polite, but in his own way that had the tendency to unnerve people, even over the phone.

“Just don’t freak them out, you tend to be a bit odd….I say that as a friend by the way. So, Victor have you found anything else on Crane?” 

Victor looked away from him, his glowing blue eyes instead now focusing on the table.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t found much. I found a few of his goons yesterday evening, they were holed up in a warehouse completely out of their minds. It looked like he had dosed them with his fear toxin before just leaving them there to either ride it out or kill themselves.”

“Did you find anything else out?”

He shook his head, Victor chewed his bottom lip then sighed finally looking back towards Oswald.

“They had track marks on their arms, lots of them….Before I could really get anything out of them they both collapsed, it seems that their hearts had just given out on them. I think he forced them into an over dose of his toxin, he knew the GCPD would find them.”

Oswald sighed. He walked around the table and seated himself on his throne, he reached for the bottle of whiskey and a shot glass. He could feel Victor’s eyes on him and knew that he wanted to make a comment or ask about how many drinks Oswald had had that night, but he knew better than to say anything at that time. 

“He should be praying that the cops find him before I do.”

Zsasz smiled at the comment, wild brown eyes locked on Oswald. 

“Me and the girls could go and look for him.”

Oswald downed his drink then poured another. It was a tempting idea, he trusted Victor dearly, but he also knew Victor was more worried about him than finding Crane and that in a way proposed a problem. If he sent Zsasz then he had a good chance of Crane being found and brought to him mostly intact. 

“Victor would you mind if I let Zsasz take over for a little bit?” He asked, voice gentle as he looked towards his partner.

Victor smiled and shook his head, “No I don’t mind, I have some other things I’ve been meaning to put my focus on recently.”

“Good then, well then that’s settled…..By the way when you do find him, don’t kill him. I want him alive, brought to me in his room, on his knees, and I’ll enjoy slicing his head off.”

“Sure thing boss.”

Oswald downed his second shot, before he could get to his third he heard the large double doors clicking open, both Zsasz and Victor readied their weapons pointing them towards the door. Oswald almost prayed that Jonathan Crane would be stupid enough to come through the door, but instead entered James Gordon. His suit per usual looked like he had slept in it, his usual restless sleeps where his mind was plagued with nightmares of all the people he couldn’t save or stop, Oswald often wondered if he was one of those people the infamous James Gordon wished he could have saved or stopped once upon a time. There was a hard look of annoyance on his face, jaw clenched as he made his way to the table. Both Victors kept their weapons focused on him, Jim glanced towards both men, but quickly turned his focus towards Oswald. 

“Jim what do you want?” Oswald asked, he no longer used his faux politeness with the man.

All need of lies and fake appearances left him the second Jim had plunged a knife into Fish Mooney. 

“Where’s Crane?”

Oswald chuckled, “Do you happen to see an effigy featuring his head in my office anywhere, because unless you do then I haven’t seen him.”

Jim stepped closer, he slammed his hands onto the desk leaning over it putting his face close to Oswald’s.

“I’m not playing, he’s been killing people Oswald. He’s been brutally murdering the ones that he doesn’t dose and I know you’ve had Fries stalking him for the past week.” 

Oswald smirked, he glanced towards Victor noticing the intense hateful way his blue eyes focused on the newly appointed commissioner. 

“I’d be careful with how close you get Jim, if you haven’t noticed I’m not some umbrella boy you can shove off the docks anymore.”

Victor pressed the barrel of his freeze ray against Jim’s jaw, Oswald laughed when he noticed him flinch at the contact of the icy metal. Slowly he pulled back, hands at his sides and body stiff with tension.

“How long do you think this is going to last Oswald?”

“Did I hurt your feelings Jim, when I started telling everybody what they already know, that you and those other barbaric bastards at the GCPD can’t protect anybody?”

“When the Hell do you care about anybody?”

Oswald tensed at the statement, he could feel that familiar rage boiling up inside him. He filled his shot glass, downed his shot, then slammed the glass onto the table.

“Don’t you ever think that perhaps this city has no use for you, that maybe it would be best if you left?” Oswald angrily asked as he glared at him over the table.

“This isn’t over, if you find Crane and I find out that you have him or you killed him then I’m going to put you and your goons in Arkham. I should already have your ass in there for what you did to Nygma.”

Oswald clenched his jaw, he took a deep breath closing his eyes.

“Victor, Zsasz, would you two be so kind as to show Mr. Gordon to the door?” He kindly requested as he opened his eyes again.

He rubbed at his temple as he watched the two men lead Jim away, their guns at the ready just waiting for a go ahead to kill him. Once the three of them were out the door he picked up the empty shot glass and hurled it across the room breaking it on the wall. 

‘He still knows how to get to you.’

Gordon was a problem, he’d been becoming more of a problem as time wore on. Once somebody who was helpful, somebody that he genuinely trusted, and believed wanted the best for him. Now he was another person the list that he felt he needed to watch, another person he was at this point quite willing to murder.

‘Oh please, we both know that you won’t kill him. You watched Fish die in your arms and still you let Gordon walk around, just like you can hold conversations with Tabitha after she murdered your mother.’

Oswald spent the remainder of the night locked away in his office.

Around closing time, he was pulled from his thoughts when Victor knocked on the office door.

“Ozzie, you ready to go home yet? Ivy’s already waiting in the car, she keeps honking the horn.”

He groaned running his fingers back through his now messed hair.

“Go ahead and go home, I’ll be there later….I just need to stay late and take care of some things.”

There was a moment of silence, he held his breath expecting the other man to just enter the room, he was grateful when he didn’t.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine, I promise. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay….I love you.” Victor said through the door, a saddened tone to his voice.

Oswald buried his face in his hands. There seemed to be too many things going on at once, most of them inside his head. He refused to let Gordon win, he wasn’t going to stop his businesses, and go hide in his mansion. He was determined to stay in control this time, there was nothing he would allow to dethrone him this time around, especially Jim Gordon. 

He waited until he was positive that Victor was gone before he left his office and made his way back down to the main room. Oswald avoided looking at Ed as he made his way back behind the bar, he grabbed up a bottle of gin along with a small glass. He poured himself a drink then made his way back around seating himself near Ed. 

“You did this to yourself, I know I’ve told you that before, but it’s true.” Oswald stated bitterly to the sculpture.

Ed’s face forever frozen in pain and fear, eyes wide, and arms stretched out in front of him. If he could hear him then he couldn’t react, Oswald often doubted it was true when Victor told him that Ed was still alive in there.

Oswald nursed his drink as his mind wandered back to the second and last time they had been at the docks together. The way Ed had laughed and looked so gleeful yet pained when he had been living in the grand illusion that he had the upper hand. His laughter and psychotic happiness had caused Oswald’s stomach to ache then just like it did now when he remembered the sound.

“I had plans for you….For us.”

He glared up at the sculpture as he gripped his glass firmly, he finished it off then refilled it.

“I hate you, I hate that I’m still terrified of you….I’m terrified of what you still make me feel.”

His eyes burned as tears blurred his vision, he turned his head away blinking rapidly causing his tears to streak down his flushed freckled cheeks. 

Deep in his heart and his mind he knew that if Ed was no longer enclosed in ice he would forgive him. If Ed showed any sign of regret for his actions, for his words, then Oswald knew he would be in his arms again. The realization made him sick, he felt weak knowing it was true.

‘Love is a weakness; your love makes you weak. He never would have loved you back, he won’t ever love you back.’

More tears fell from his eyes, his hands trembled slightly as he took another drink before setting the glass down on the bar. Angrily he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands, Oswald turned his attention back to Ed as he got up from his seat and stumbled towards the sculpture. He reached out placing his hand against the biting ice, he could feel it burning the palm of his hand, the pain so intense it made his body shake, his teeth chattering from the cold that filled him.

“Ed….I-I should have done more, I should have….I knew, you, you told me about the voices a-and about your black outs and I used that.” 

A sob escaped him as he leaned his forehead against the ice, fingers curling against it. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t have….I should have gotten you help, real help outside of the city.”

He pulled away from the ice when the pain became too much to bear, the pain like the pain he had felt when he used to touch Victor back before he found a cure for himself. Oswald looked down at the palm of his hand, his skin red and begging to blister in spots. He stared up at the figure feeling a sinking feeling in his chest, there was this overwhelming loneliness and sickness that filled him as he looked up at his beautiful fearful features.

Oswald jumped as he heard faint piano music echoing through the room, soon the sound accompanied by a voice.

“If I was my heart I’d rather be restless. The second I stop, the sleep catches up and I’m breathless…”

He tensed as he heard the voice that was singing.

“E-Ed?” He asked, his voice a weak squeaking sound as he looked up at the statue then turned to look before him.

“Pour myself over him….Moon spilling in and I wake up alone….”

Oswald felt himself shaking as he moved away from the ice sculpture, he followed the sound of Ed’s voice until he arrived at the stage. He saw Ed seated at the piano, a faint smile playing on his full pink lips, eyes closed behind his glasses as his fingers gracefully caressed the keys. His voice a beautiful sensual crooning as he sang one of his favorite songs, their favorite song. The first time he had heard it, Ed had played it one night while they had been drinking heavily.

He moved closer to the stage desperately wanting to reach out and touch him, to caress his cheek, and hold him. Oswald dropped his cane to the floor, he buried his face in his hands sobbing as he listened to the music playing. He tensed when he felt arms wrap around his waist, a warm body pressing up against his back, and warm breath against his ear.

“Why are you crying Oswald?” Ed asked, his voice soft and concerned.

He continued to cry not wanting to respond, not wanting to give any reason for this hallucination to end or to turn into a waking nightmare. He felt Ed’s hands move to his stomach, his fingers splaying over where the scar was hidden under layers of clothing. Warm soft lips pressed against the shell of his ear then against the back of his neck.

Oswald lowered his hands, with uncertainty he placed a hand over top of Ed’s lacing their fingers together. He could feel him smiling against his neck before pressing another kiss to his skin.

“E-Ed” He breathed out keeping his eyes closed.

“You always loved this song.” He whispered, the song continuing to play louder now filling the empty room.

“Not as much as you.” Oswald softly replied, he gave a small awkward smile that caused Ed to laugh.

Lips continued to press against his neck, a small moan escaping Oswald’s parted lips at the sensation, Ed chuckled before nipping his skin. For a moment he felt beautiful, he felt loved. Ed was with him and so long as he kept his eyes closed then nothing bad had happened, the nightmares were just that, nightmares. 

“Open your eyes little bird.” Ed gently urged him.

He shook his head refusing the order.

“Please don’t leave me.”

Another much darker chuckle from behind him, again lips pressed against his skin except this time they were wet and shockingly cold. Oswald’s eyes flew open, all sensation left and he was alone.

 

Victor waited until nearly five in the morning, by that point he was worried to the point he was positive he was going to have a panic attack. He got into the car and went back to the Iceberg Lounge, on the way there he thought over every bad possible thing that could have happened to Oswald. After seeing Crane’s goons dying from over dosing on the toxin he feared that maybe it could kill Oswald. As far as he knew it had completely worked out of his system, Oswald had told him that he was no longer hallucinating, and he seemed to be doing fine. Still a long list of worries filled his mind as he drove through the darkened streets of the city until he arrived outside of the Lounge. He parked out front, getting out of the car, and quickly making his way up to the building. 

He opened the large ornate door that lead into the main room, a haunting piano melody filled the empty space. Victor quietly walked towards the source of the music, an unsteady voice singing a song about waking up alone, a song he swore he had heard before. Victor stopped a good distance away, he saw Oswald on the stage seated on the piano bench playing piano. His voice was beautiful yet so desperate and distressed as he sang, Victor could see the tears streaming down his cheeks. Eventually he stopped singing, his fingers slamming down on the keys of the piano. 

“Ed,” the smaller man cried out his voice sounding pained before he buried his face in his hands sobbing.

Victor could feel his heart breaking in his chest as realization hit him. He glared back at Ed’s frozen figure before he made his way up to the stage, he climbed up and approached Oswald placing a hand on his shoulder. Oswald jumped, he flinched away from him nearly falling off the bench in his drunken state. His wide blood shot eyes tried to focus on Victor’s face as he stared up at him looking absolutely lost and confused. 

“Wh-what are you doing here, I told you to go home.”

“That was quite a few hours ago, you said you would be home.”

“Sorry I-I had….I had work to do…” Oswald lowered his head staring down at his hands.

Victor noticed the palm of his left hand was reddened, skin blistering. He felt the ghost of jealousy fill him as he continued to piece together what had happened. He knelt before him gently taking hold of Oswald’s wrist, his thumb gently brushing over his skin.

“I told you not to touch the ice, that’s how you get burned.” He gently scolded, he leaned in close pressing his cool lips against the palm of his hand making the smaller man gasp from the cold contact.

“Sorry” Oswald muttered looking away from him.

Victor pressed another kiss to his palm then a kiss to the underside of his wrist, lips brushing over the faint veins that showed through his delicate pale skin. He reached up placing his hand against Oswald’s cheek, he brushed the tears from his freckled skin and gently urged him to meet his eyes.

“I need to get you home, get you some water, and into bed.”

Oswald leaned into his touch closing his eyes, he placed a hand over top of Victor’s.

“Why are you so good to me?”

Victor stood up, he leaned down pressing a kiss against his forehead.

“Because I love you, same reason that you’re so good to me.”

Love was the same reason that he wasn’t going to bring up what just happened. It was the reason he never brought up the obvious burning love he knew Oswald still felt towards Ed. There were times where Victor felt maybe leaving would be in his best interest, that maybe Oswald wasn’t capable of truly loving him the way he had loved Ed, that he could never mean as much to him as the frozen man did. He loved Oswald though, he loved him nearly as much as he loved Nora, and when he allowed himself to think too much about leaving he just felt an intense aching in his chest. So, he remained loyally by his side, he didn’t let him know that he knew he still loved Nygma. 

Victor scooped Oswald up into his arms and carried him off the stage and through the club. The smaller man rests his head against his chest, he hummed the song from before to himself as Victor carried him out into the cool early morning air and carefully helped him into the passenger seat of the car. The ride was silent, he looked over at Oswald every now and again to be sure he was still breathing properly. One of his greatest fears was that he would drink himself to death. He considered talking to him, but he knew any conversation he could strike up would be one sided or just make him feel worse, so he instead chose to remain in silence. 

When they arrived home, he carried Oswald inside and up the stairs to their bedroom. He managed to get him to stand long enough to get undressed and into one of the worn band shirts he loved to wear. Victor helped him into bed, he pulled the comforters up over him then went to get a glass of water. When he came back to the room Oswald was sitting up in bed looking solemn, he quietly thanked Victor when he handed him the glass. He seated himself next to the dark-haired man watching as he took small sips from his glass. Victor reached over petting his fingers through Oswald’s now messed hair.

“I love you,” he whispered as he watched him.

Oswald closed his eyes, he let out a shaky sigh as he placed the glass on the bedside table. He curled up against Victor’s side laying his head on his chest nuzzling against him, he placed his hand on his stomach curling his fingers against his skin. Victor wrapped an arm around his middle holding him close, he kissed the top of his head.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you Victor.”

The older man chuckled, “I’m sure you’d be perfectly fine without me.”

Oswald lifted his head looking up at him, distress filled his green eyes.

“N-no I wouldn’t be….I can’t…I can’t lose anybody else, I can’t do it again.”

Victor placed his hand against the back of his head pulling him back down against his chest again, he pet his fingers through his hair trying to soothe him.

“Shh it’s okay, nobody said anything about losing me. I’m not going to go anywhere, I love you too much to leave you.”

He laid there holding him, comforting him, all the while ignoring the conflicting emotions that he felt. He wondered if there would ever be a day where Oswald would have no room left in his heart for Nygma, maybe if he just smashed the bastard into a million pieces then Oswald would no longer have reason to mourn him. Victor pushed the thoughts from his mind, he ignored the heartache and jealousy he felt and instead focused on the beautiful man he was holding against him. Oswald was his and unlike Ed he planned on appreciating that fact. Victor kissed the top of his head one last time before allowing himself to fall asleep.


End file.
